did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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