So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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