Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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