I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
