I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
