opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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