I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
