i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I understand Curling. That high.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
