Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
someone owes me an orgasm
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
