chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
