bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
