my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize