take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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