I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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