just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
