Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
