Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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