he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
