Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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