I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
