I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
