ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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