his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
