I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
