I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
