fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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