i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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