We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So. Much. Porn.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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