**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
