Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
