Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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