Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i came on her dog
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
