My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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