best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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