my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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