Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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