if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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