Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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