Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
