happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
