I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
