Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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