someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wear drunk well.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
