apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
