So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
