remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
