I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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