every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
