youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
