walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
