if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
