Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
