I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
