Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize