he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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