i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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