omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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