Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
