she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
