there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
