I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize