i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
