chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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