Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
