Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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