Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
