just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
