I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize