Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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