I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
