K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
