At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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