she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
