So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
