I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
