i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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