it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
