I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
