I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
