To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
