I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize