I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
