She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
