Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
